Sorry that I haven't posted anything for almost 2 months now. Chemotherapy is over. Yeah!!!!!! I thought everything was going to get back to normal but then it happened. My arm and hand has swollen up to twice the size. The dreaded lymphedema struck. I went to the CTRC and they wrote the order for a physical therapist on May 20th. Didn't get to see one until July 6th. Apparently there is a shortage here in San Antonio of therapist that are certified from lymphedema massage on breast cancer survivors. The therapist did the massage and taught my daughter how to do it at home but unfortunately I haven't gotten any relief. It is still huge. Have two more appointments scheduled the week after next. Maybe after those the swelling will go down. Sigh!!!!

Went to the oncologist today. Had to use my cane because of the bone pain. Apparently it is a not so common side effect of the chemo, Paclitaxel that I receive every week. Wendy, my oncologist's PA and a great friend, has suggested that I keep working out but take an Ibuprofen before my workout and at bedtime. I will give this a shot since I want to continue on my workout journey. Tomorrow, I have to see the surgeon about making my scar more aesthetically pleasing so I will have to wait until Friday before I can try the Ibuprofen/workout plan.

I have become obsessed with cute little exercise bras,tank tops and camisoles. I couldn't wear them when I had boobs because my boobs were always too large. Now since I am flat as a board, the sky is the limit. There are so many colors and styles. Walmart,Target and JC Penney all have great selections. I think I will treat myself to a new one every week. Shopping for them has become pretty uplifting. You have to do whatever keeps your spirits high while dealing with cancer otherwise you may fall into a deep depression.

Ok, something is going on with this new chemo. My workout wasn't that hard but I suffered from extreme bone pain all night. Got no sleep. Guess I have to wait until I talk to the oncologist on Wednesday and not work out at all. Man, I hate that.

I was going to sit today out but I decided I had to do something.  So I did Jillian Michaels' Yoga Meltdown. It was hard but I was able to complete it. Not feeling too bad. Hopefully I won't be using the cane tomorrow.  I see my original surgeon on Thursday.  He is going to refer me to a plastic surgeon so that they can make my scar more aesthetically pleasing.  I want  to lose some weight before then.

Exercising on Friday backfired.  The workout was great but later I had excruciating pain in every bone in my body.  Not usual muscle pain that is normal after a workout but extreme bone pain, especially in my legs.  Had to use a cane on Saturday to get around.  Things are a little better today.  I am walking on my own but I extremely fatigued. Probably won't work out again until I talk to my oncologist on Wednesday.  Not giving up, just being a little cautious.

Started exercising yesterday.  Before surgery, I had a large protruding stomach.  It wasn't a big deal because I had humongous boobs to overshadow it.  But now that I have a flat chest, it is horrible.  I actually look like a pear or a fatter bowling pin.  Changes must be made if I am going to get my self esteem back.  Just have to keep motivated and not fall back into the cycle of depression eating.  I probably am the only person that has gained weight during chemo.  Well, enough talking about it.  Off I go.  On the bright side, at least I don't have to worry about my boobs hitting me in my face while I'm doing jumping jacks.

One of the hardest things to get over after a double mastectomy is the absence of breast.  I know your response is "Duh, of course" but what I mean is that the breast really feel like they are there.  I am still shocked when I look in the mirror after coming out of the shower.  I use to be a bra fanatic. I had to wear a bra whenever I wasn't asleep. I kept a bra by my bed in case of a fire because the thought of going out of the house with my huge 42G breast slinging around was too traumatizing.  I catch myself still having those thoughts even though they have been gone for 5 months now.  I can still feel them.  They say this occurs with amputated limbs but I didn't know that it occurs in mastectomies.  My nipples sometimes feels like they are being twisted even though I don't have any. Maybe this will go away one day.  But right now I am just trying to get adjusted to a life without boobs.

My name is Adilah (aka Cancer Chick).  I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in October 2011.  I under went a double mastectomy in December.  My left breast is the one with cancer and I also had cancer of the lymph nodes on that side. This caused me to have a left radical mastectomy.  I opted for a prophylactic mastectomy on the right side because of a strong family history.  My mother and my younger sister both died at 40.  Both had opted to have only the cancerous breast removed.  Several months later, cancer returned in their other breast and after radiation and chemotherapy they both died.  I didn't want to take that chance. Even though my cancer was diagnosed at a much later age (56), I still feel that I have a lot of life to live and I wanted the best quality of life so that I can give the best to my family.  I am currently in my last sessions of chemotherapy.  The doctors believe that I don't need radiation.  I have decided not to have reconstruction and to live my life Boobless.  This is the documentation of my journey.